The Bumpy Ride

It is has been a bumpy ride.
From growing old to growing up. I have discovered, lost and rediscovered my soul.
My soul has been tainted with the darkest of blacks and my heart has been painted the brightest of reds.
I’ve loved, lost and loved again… Only to lose it all over again.

Losses don’t hurt as much when you’re swarmed with people.
But at times, you find yourself suffocating in the swamp.
You can be near them, but far away.
You can be near, go far away and return… Only to be pushed away again.

Pushing away people is a my vice.
They’re my people, they’ve been through the thick and thin.
But you lose connect. You lose yourself.
You don’t know who you really are. You’ve to decide between the black and the white.
You pendulum between the black and the white, land on the grey… Only to find yourself in a rainbow of emotions.

Emotions are complicated.
Feelings can be misguided. Good intentions can have ulterior motives.
People are not what they claim to be. There’s a wolf hiding in the grandma’s skin.
You trust, you become skeptical, you laugh at yourself for overthinking… Only to find that you were right all along.

It is funny.
To know what’s going to happen next. And yet you challenge the destiny.
Destiny was supposed to be a self-made thing. Turns out, there are forces stronger than our willpower.
You become determined and then depressed. You decide to get back up… Only to be knocked back down by that gush of wind.

The wind blows.
It is a scene from a horror movie. There’s a starless moon.
The dogs howl. The cats growl.
Your inner turmoil takes the center stage. You distract, you fight, you cry.
You cry yourself to sleep, wake up with a smile the next day… Only to be replaced by unstoppable sobs.

The sobs subside.
It is an eerie feeling. You feel numb.
You don’t laugh, you don’t smile. Time passes you by.
With the passing of time, you shed a tear once again… Only to be wiped away by a winning smile.

You smile.
Because life is never going to turn out the way you want it to. It has surprises and shocks in-store.
But amidst the roller coaster of shocks and surprises, you find yourself.
You learn who you are, what you’re capable of, and most importantly, who you’re not.
You accept the flaws, you work hard to become better… Only to look back and see that it has indeed been a bumpy ride.

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